Stunned...

Last night the wife and I went to Target.  She headed for the women's underwear so naturally I went to the electronics department. 

I can't help it.  I think that everybody has a section of the store that they automatically want to go to whether they need anything in that department or not.  When we are young, naturally the toy department calls to us.  As we get older and our tastes mature we gravitate toward other areas of the store or other stores altogether.  My department of choice is now the electronics department.  It is my safe zone in the store.

Lately I have found myself wandering out of my safe zone.  The electronics department only makes me sad these days because it is filled with things that I may never get again.  Priorities shift.  Instead, I have found myself walking in the baby departments.  I don't look at the clothes because I don't have any concern about them.  No, I now walk amongst the baby strollers and cars seats and diapers and various other things that babies need with my mouth wide open at how much these things cost and with a multitude of thoughts running through my head. 

This is what a pack and play is?  How do I know which one won't cave in and crush my child to death?  Do the shocks on some strollers really matter that much?  Do you really need a changing table?  How long will it take me to go through a package of disposable diapers?  What do you mean you have to "special order" good cloth diapers?  They actually make double breast pumps?  Is that so one boob doesn't feel left out at any given time?  Did I miss some class that teaches all of this stuff?

I take some comfort in knowing that I understand a fair amount about developmental milestones and child psychology and even what toys are developmentally appropriate and helpful at any given stage of a child's life.  But, that has almost NOTHING to do with being a parent.  My supervisor laughed when she told me that everything I had learned about children academically would do me no good as a parent.  I'm pretty sure she's right.

Will you be seeing some scared soon-to-be-daddy posts coming up here soon?  Yes, you most certainly will.

Out of my hands

I’ve decided that it is a bit of a challenge being the husband of a pregnant wife.


I’m sure that is probably not only an understatement, but an amazingly obvious one as well. I’m sure many of you think that I’m about to complain about hormonal mood changes or strange cravings. No, what I find the hardest these days is knowing that there are things I just can’t help with.

When she is in pain or uncomfortable in some way I can help sometimes, but not always. I get medicine or comfort food or I give hugs, but it really tears me up sometimes when I know that I can only help so much. I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to ease the burden of others, but I don’t feel like I can do enough this time.

Maybe I should accept that I am doing my best and get over myself. But, that doesn’t mean that I won’t stop trying.

Welcome to my strangeness!

In the coming days...weeks...months...years...til I get tired of it, I will be posting thoughts here.  I will attempt to keep it family-friendly, but I do get ranty somtimes.  Mostly, I have created this site to keep family and friends up-to-date on the lives of Erin and I (and the baby on the way that we have nicknamed "Monty").  Hopefully I will do a good job at keeping this up.  Then again, this may be my one and only post.  Only time will tell.